A Tender Moment, Lost to Food Rules
I had a relapse of binge eating after my son Pat was born. It was a tough time for me.
The pressure to look and eat a certain way because of my career was overwhelming. Combine that with undiagnosed postpartum anxiety and poor body image, and it’s no wonder I felt out of control.
Insomnia, part of my anxiety, made everything worse. I was exhausted from caring for a newborn, my emotions were unpredictable, and my hunger/fullness cues were inaudible.
Looking back, it’s almost humorous to remember what I was most focused on: controlling my food. I believed if I could just “fix” my eating, everything else—my anxiety, sleeplessness, poor self-image—would fall into place.
But it’s not funny at all. That belief didn’t come from nowhere. We’ve been told all our lives that our happiness and success are tied to our bodies and, by extension, how we eat.
The shame I felt about my binges kept me from getting the help I really needed. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing.
I ended up in Overeaters Anonymous (OA) because food addiction seemed like the only logical answer to my woes.
OA met many of my needs at that time. It gave me a set of rules and boundaries—don’t eat this, don’t eat that, and you’ll maintain abstinence. It also gave me a group of people who understood the secrecy and shame around food. That camaraderie was incredible.
It felt righteous to abstain from foods others couldn’t “control” themselves around. The compliments poured in as my body shrank, and I convinced myself this wasn’t just another diet.
But it wasn’t freedom, and I didn’t realize that until much later.
I started noticing things. People talked about binging on vegetables. I watched others lose and regain abstinence with the same shame that came with dieting. Listening to their stories, I didn’t hear freedom around food. Instead, I saw lives revolving around food and increasingly restrictive rules.
One day, Patrick and I were home. I was working, and he came over wanting to share his crackers with me. To keep my abstinence, I declined.
That felt icky. It wasn’t about the crackers. A tender moment between me and my son was lost because of food rules.
That day, I began questioning everything. Was I prepared to never enjoy snacks, desserts, or celebration foods with my family again?
That’s not how I define food freedom now.
I see patients fall into this same trap when they want to manage their blood sugar. Whether it’s insulin resistance, PCOS, fatty liver, prediabetes, or diabetes, feeling like certain foods are off-limits often comes with unintended consequences.
What about family dinners, cultural foods, celebrations—or even stressful weeks?
Food is social and emotional, even when you’re managing blood sugar. A diagnosis doesn’t change that.
I’m not suggesting you have to eat cake to experience food freedom. Some people don’t love cake, and for them, it’s no loss.
But if you enjoy cake and feel like you can’t eat it without guilt or failure, I’d invite you to reconsider how you classify it.
What if cake were a way to connect with a friend, celebrate something special, or even comfort yourself?
How do those reasons to enjoy cake land for you? Do they rub up against any beliefs?
I’d love for you to experience the freedom to choose whether you’d like the cake—or not. This freedom comes from challenging the rules we’ve blindly accepted about food, especially sugar and blood sugar management.
I feel immense joy when patients tell me they’ve found half a chocolate bar or a bag of chips they forgot about. That’s when I know they’re starting to taste food freedom. It’s often the point when they realize they’ll never return to restrictive eating again.
If this resonates with you, take a moment to reflect:
Do your current food rules and beliefs strengthen or threaten your personal relationships?
Food freedom is possible, even with a diagnosis, and it starts with curiosity.
Book with Dr. Kerri Fullerton ND if you are struggling with your body, eating or any other concerns - Click here to book a free consultation
From Dr. Kerri: Enter Intuitive Eating and Heath At Every Size™
My first introduction to the anti-diet movement was back in 2000. I spent the next eight years not dieting intentionally but was still engaged in some pretty disordered eating patterns. In 2010, I came across Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole, and I knew I had found what I was looking for. The 10 principles of intuitive eating provided a research-supported way to improve my health outcomes AND heal my relationship with food. I found a counsellor to help me work through it personally before I became a certified intuitive eating counsellor in 2018.
I learned about the Health At Every Size (HAES™) movement around the same time and again was thrilled. Here was a way that I could help myself and my patients work toward better health outcomes without engaging in diet and wellness culture. I’ve been a member of the Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH) since 2020 and am one of the few HAES doctors in Canada.
